Zero Adjacent (why I shouldn't exist)
Abstract
When a fictional character shares a name with a real-life person, it typically results in a brief moment of amusement. But what if there were other similarities?
Bizarre similarities.
What if the character shared much, much more than a name?
Background
From 1992 to 1998, the author of this analysis, Robert Porter, lived in a tiny city in Western Montana, where he was largely raised on TV – local station KPAX.
In 1995, a novel was published about a fictional Robert Porter from Western Montana. This character was raised on an alien planet – K-PAX.
The author of this analysis is also an alien (though of the terrestrial variety).
Methodology
Determining the probability of this synchronicity is a trivial triviality, mirroring the back-of-envelope math used to calculate the Drake equation.
We begin by estimating the population raised in Western Montana within range of KPAX, which we will approximate as 200,000 based on the area's current population.
Next, we determine how many individuals within that population have the surname "Porter", which the US Census1 counts as 55 per 100,000, resulting in 110 Porters.
We then estimate the number of Roberts, which Wolfram Alpha2 puts around 3.184 million in America (divided by the total population of 342.8 million), giving us 0.93%.
This results in an expected 1.02 Robert Porters raised on KPAX, marginally exceeding anecdotally verifiable evidence.
The next part is where the author's existence starts to become somewhat unlikely.
The only government agency tasked with tallying Americans living abroad (aliens) reported that number as 3.3 million in 2024.3 Round that to approximately 1% and this puts the probability of the author existing at roughly 1%. Or about:
1-in-100
But that's not where the similarities end...
Complication
The fictional Robert Porter raised on K-PAX prefers to use a different name. For the most part, so does the author of this analysis.
The fictional Robert Porter uses the name "prot" (written in lowercase as a sign of humility), posited as a rearrangement of the first four letters of "Porter".
The author of this analysis tends to go by "frog" (written in lowercase as a sign of laziness), the last four letters of childhood internet handle "top frog".
At first glance, the similarity between these two names rests solely on the shared middle letters.
However:
Conclusion
For all intents and purposes, the author should not exist. However, he persists in existing, regardless.
Rather insists on it, actually.
Or not.
1. For some reason 23andMe was the best source for US Census data <link>
2. Wolfram Alpha statistics for the name "Robert" <link>
3. FVAP'S Overseas Citizen Population Analysis <link>